Year 6 - Day 238: Today, I am grateful for plans and a purpose.
You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail. -Proverbs 19:21
Today marks 23 years since that last breath on earth and first breath of heaven for my little sister, April. She was not quite 28. She died 14 days before her wedding day... in her sleep... from an undiagnosed heart defect while stationed at Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa. That is the short story version.
I will never forget our last phone conversation. Mama, Missy and I had found the bridesmaids dresses and the coolest hats to go with them. The wedding was going to take place on the farm. The only home she ever knew before leaving home. It was a special place, and after so many months away in the Air Force... it seemed the perfect place to get married. Our family farm was her roots, her safe place, faith building and the place where she grew her wings.
I remember our last conversation. I just happened to be at Mom and Dad's when April called from Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa. The story makes me smile.
Mama Ina Mae loves "Gone With The Wind" era clothing. She was thrilled that April wanted to wear her wedding dress... the same one worn by Grandma Opal Maxine. April would have been the third generation to wear its simple, elegant lines in satin.
Mama decided she would "fluff it up a bit". Now, there were some poofy wedding gowns in the mid-1990's, but Scarlett O'Hara was Mama's vision and not April's style. I remember Mama's sketch of the updates on the dining room table. "Just a few alterations.", she said. I remember pleading, "Please, do not touch that dress until you talk to April." Then, April called. Serendipity or God wink? (I know what I know.) His hand is in the details.
We talked. We laughed. We caught up. We declared Mama's gown perfect "as is" with minor age repairs... and then we shared our last words... "I love you. See you soon." For her... in heaven's time... that may be true, but for me, 23 years feels like a long time.
There are some things that make no sense from our earthly perspective. I know that losing her gave me new eyes on sibling grief for my days at St. Jude. I know that it was the biggest test of my faith in the first 30 years of my life. I know that her big heart, painted art, beautiful smile, twinkling eyes and generous, loving spirit are woven into the fabric of the lives of all who knew her. Those who knew her best remember her tendencies to forget things, to be late and her messy ways, too. The things once a source of irritation, now make us smile.
Love never dies or is replaced... it just lives in a different space.
Just recently, I heard a new simple definition of grief. "Grief is love with nowhere to go." So, when grief is directed and turned into something positive, there is healing. Let me be clear. When faced with big losses in life, we don't get over it... we get through it. The process is unique to every person... in response to their personal loss. There are some similarities in the process, but each one feels loss uniquely. On the other side of the darkest days, there is hope, light and even new laughter.
When we can't understand His hand weaving the tapestry of our days... we step out in faith to trust his heart. We don't know the impact of April's short life, but God does. We did hear some special stories of her "salt and light" while far away from home. She was fearless in loving others... even when it left some wounds. She tended others who were hurting.
"We can make many plans... but the Lord's purpose will prevail". Perhaps, the best way to live by making plans, but in pencil... so that we can offer our days up to his purpose. We can live our lives as a daily, living sacrifice.
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.12:1bOr This is your spiritual worship; or This is your reasonable service.
Today, I will picture her in heaven... in a big kitchen with a big, farmhouse table. Uncle Mel has recently arrived. She is serving up shortbread cookies, chocolate chip, Grandma's Pride of Iowa (maybe Jill is helping with these, as she loved making them, too) and whatever warm beverage is preferred. In heaven... I am pretty sure there are no burnt cookies or baking fails.
On this August 26th... we still may not completely understand his plan, but we are confident in His purpose. It is a promise to work all things work together for good. He is a big picture God and our stories are a part of his big story of love and redemption.
Today, I am grateful for His plans with a purpose.
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